Lord of the Realms 2024

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Gorthax the Grandiose, a wizard of great renown but dubious character, sat in his stronghold awaiting word that his nemesis, the Realm Weaver known as Tearan Jak'Sera, had been apprehended by one of his many acolytes (or underlings or servants or whatever he feels like calling them on this day) who searched their world for the reality hopping troublemaker. Gorthax was becoming more anxious with each passing day, longing to claim a power he thought to be rightfully his. 

 

The power wasn't his, of course, but no one had been able to convince him otherwise.

 

“Do not enter this chamber and tell me you haven't located him,” declared Gorthax. 

 

“Well…” replied Herman the Lowly, his right-hand man (or servant or underling or whatever). But it is the only word he was able to speak before the narcissistic wizard cut him off.

 

“‘Well’ is not a word used to begin a positive report! I have searched the cosmos in an effort to gain control of the power to move from realm to realm at will! This Tearan person does not deserve this gift and it should be mine alone to use as a tool to shape each realm as suits me!” Gorthax blurted in a too convenient but necessary burst of exposition.

 

Herman the Lowly bowed before his master and said “We didn't exactly find him, my lord, but he did find us.”

 

Exasperated, Gorthax looks down his nose at Herman (which was something he did often owing to the fact that it made him feel quite superior) and said “Excuse me?”

 

A voice from the outer chamber of the stronghold suddenly yells “Did you fart?”

 

“What?” Gorthax the Flummoxed spouts, astonished that things had become so absurd so quickly. 

 

“Are you having trouble hearing?” the voice called back.

 

Gorthax looked at Herman and asked “Am I to assume that the voice belongs to my realm jumping prey?”

 

At that moment, a tiny blue circle of flame snapped into being about eighteen inches from Gorthax's round yet thin face. Without warning, a blue hand shot forth from the flame, index finger extended, and tapped Gorthax on the end of his nose. As quickly as it had appeared, it disappeared only to be replaced by the face of the Realm Lord! 

 

“I boop your nose…” Tearan teased from just beyond this plane of existence before the blue flame extinguished itself.  

 

“Herman!” Gorthax the Annoyed bellowed. “What is this foolishness??!!”

 

Herman lowered his head in a sort of makeshift bow and said “I swear I do not know! But maybe you could ask him” pointing to the Realm Lord who was leaning on the wall behind the frustrated wizard. 

 

“How did you get in here?” Gorthax sneered.

 

Tearan looked about the room confusedly and said “I'm the Realm Lord. This is what realm weavers do.”

 

“I am aware of that,” the wizard replied, clearly unamused. 

 

“Well, I would hope so. You've been  chasing after me so much I would assume you knew what I could do.”

 

“You've made a mistake coming here, you know,” the wizard says. 

 

Tearan shakes his head and says “No. I don't think I have. Your men have been searching for me and it's just cramping my style. So let's work this out here and now.”

 

“Fine!” Gorthax the Grandiose began. “You have a power that was stolen from me by your con-artist uncle and I am going to take it back!”

 

“Stolen?!” Tearan laughed. “You can’t steal this power! You’re born this way! But let me ask you this: Why do you not want me to have my rightful realm weaving gift?!”

 

The wizard bore his eyes into Tearan and said “I’ve watched you ‘Realm Lord”, introducing people from separate realms to one another, clouding their minds with ideas of equality and togetherness. It is an abomination to those who follow the old ways! I will not stand for it!”

 

Tearan removed a card from his pocket and spun it on the end of his finger. It created a swirling vortex of blue light with arcs of electricity sizzling all around. “I think it’s high time you learned a few things” he said as he clapped his hands together causing the vortex to expand in a blinding rush of light.

 

All of the wizards' minions (or slaves or troops or whatever) stood dumbfounded that their leader had disappeared. Then they began to cheer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Docking Bay 904

 

When the flash of light dissipated and he was finally able to see again, Gorthax found himself having difficulty breathing while in complete and utter darkness. “What is happening? Where am I? Why can’t I see anything?” he cried out.

 

He suddenly heard the voice of the Realm Lord very closeby, although very muffled. At least he thought it was Tearan as while the tones were the same, the inflection certainly was not.

 

“It is quite illogical to ask several questions at the same time, wizard, as the answer to one would likely provide context for another,” the voice said. “You should probably remove your helmet as that would clear your visual path from obstruction.”

 

The wizard realized that for some reason, he was holding something in his hand. “I cannot remove this thing from my head while holding whatever this is in my hand! Hold it for me!” he shouts, hurting his ears in the process because shouting while in a helmet is never a good idea.

 

As the helmet lifts off of his head, Gorthax the Astonished is astonished at what he sees! He stands in a giant hanger full of huge metal ships and robots and every kind of space being beyond that which he could ever imagine moving to and fro throughout the area. He gazed directly before him and where a fourth wall should be, he saw only the vastness of space.

 

“What happened to the fourth wall?” the wizard asks, lost in the wonder of the scene. “Is it broken?”

 

“In a manner of speaking, Lord Gorthax” replied Science Officer Tearan winking toward the spot where the wall should have been, being careful to not utter the word “vader” because there wasn't enough money in the world to fight that lawsuit.

 

In his black gloved hand Gorthax held a black helmet with heavy breathing noises emanating from inside. He was dressed in a full black vinyl costume (because no animals were harmed in the writing of this tale) which had some sort of ridiculous control panel affixed to the chest plate. 

 

“Your weapon, Lordy G,” Tearan said, handing the light sword back to the wizard. Not paying attention, Gorthax almost grabbed it by the sizzling blade instead of its much safer base. Tearan pulled the blade away quickly saying  “Do mind your fingers, your royal grandiosity. It would be a shame to lose them.” 

 

While the wizard found it difficult to move in his cumbersome suit, Tearan moved with grace dressed in a blue, long-sleeve pullover shirt and black pants, Tearan’s pointy ears popping out from under his hair. The outfit somehow looks perfect!

 

“Where are we?” the wizard asked. “And why did you bring me here?”

 

“Seriously, man. One question at a time. I just said that.”

 

Gorthax the Annoyed closed his eyes and took a deep breath before shouting “WHERE ARE WE AND WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE??!!” 

 

At that precise moment and without warning, the room was filled with laser blasts of every sort, one of which conveniently slammed into Gorthax the Surprised's laser sword.

 

“Wait here and don't go anywhere!” Tearan exclaimed as he jumped from the platform.on which they were standing and headed directly towards what should have been the fourth wall.

 

The wizard could see a ship heading directly at the docking bay and the realm weaver running toward it. As the ship began breaking through the force field separating the bay from the icy emptiness of space, Tearan threw three of his cards into the air where they began to swirl along the edge of a newly formed electric blue vortex. 

 

The oncoming spacecraft was engulfed by the quickly expanding portal and with a burst of static electricity, the ship was gone. 

 

Tearan strolled back to where the wizard was standing, mouth agape and every hair on his body standing on end because… electricity. Addressing the wizard, Tearan stated “One. We are in Docking Bay 904. And two. I brought you here to show you that if you want to weave realms, you have to be prepared for the unpreparable and you are clearly not prepared. Now, maybe turn your laser sword off. You are giving yourself a nasty laser burn on one side of your face.”

 

Gorthax the Sunburned realizes the sword was dangerously close to his head and quickly moves it away, switching it off. “You seem to be quite the show off, Mr. Jak'Sera. Even if you have great skill, I will.not allow you to keep this power for yourself!” 

 

Traran gave the wizard a hard, disappointed look and tossed a new card. Again, a vortex forms and hovers between them while each stares down the other. 

 

“I refuse to enter another of your silly portals, Realm Lord. I refuse to play your games.”

 

“No problem,” Tearan said, reaching through the portal, grabbing the wizard's green robes and pulling Gorthax toward him with great force. As the wizard crossed through from one side of the vortex to the other, he ceased to exist in this realm. He was simply gone.

 

“They never see that move coming,” Tearan mused as he walked around to the spot where Gorthax had just been and stepped through to the realm beyond. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fantasy Fair

 

Upon entering this new realm, the difference between where they had been and the place they found themselves was jarring. Where once there was cold metal and emptiness, here there was warmth, comfort, and peace. Until all the screaming started that is.

 

The duo spun around looking in every direction for the source of the commotion but saw nothing. Then, without warning, a group of black riders crested over a nearby hill, stampeding toward them.

 

The pair barely had time to register the riders on their immense mounts, to say nothing of the cages filled with children which they pulled behind them. It was clear that these riders had no intention of slowing and while Gorthax stood frozen with the fear of imminent death, Tearan instinctually tossed a collection of cards at them, opening various blue portals all around. As the riders moved through these openings, Tearan swung his arm back as if recalling a heavy yo-yo back to his hand as all of the portals snapped shut, severing the cages from the riders.

 

 While this was good for the children, it was bad for Tearan and Gorthax as the cages kept coming and were now not under any sort of control. Finally realizing the situation, Gorthax raised his wand and bellowed “CHRONOS NA STAMATISEI!!”

 

As the last syllable left his lips, everything in this world, save for the wizard and the realm weaver stopped. The wheels under the cages didn’t move. The cages were still as were the children contained therein. The bushes and grass were still as the wind from the riders and the breeze of the day ceased to blow through the air. 

 

“Huh… I’m actually impressed…” Tearan said quietly. 

 

“You have no idea how powerful I am, boy!” replied the wizard followed quickly by “Wait. Something isn’t right here.”

 

A flash of fire burst within a few feet from the cages. Whatever this was, it existed outside the power of Gorthax. Both Tearan and the wizard shielded their faces from the intense heat emitting from the pillar of fire until it finally formed into a man, abnormally tall and thin, dressed in fine yellow silk robes and holding a glowing staff before him. When he spoke, his voice was soft but carried within it a fierce sense of authority. 

 

“A sort of evil magyk has been used in my realm. I will not tolerate it. Who has performed this cast here?” he asked, motioning toward the frozen caged children.

 

Tearan dropped to one knee before the man and spoke quietly. “We ask your forgiveness, Lord Raythan. We meant no disrespect.” Gorthax found that he could neither move nor speak since this powerful being had come upon them and a darkness began to close in around him..

 

“Realm Lord? Is that you? I would expect you to follow the pact on which we agreed the first time you visited my realm. Portals to come and go and no other reason is acceptable. You remember this, yes?”

 

“I do My Lord,” Tearan replied, never raising his eyes to meet those of Raythan. “It was an instinctual reaction to a near death event. I can only ask your forgiveness. I meant no disrespect.”

 

“I can understand a mistake in the face of self preservation and you are forgiven. Please do not let it happen again. You may rise and feel free and do move from in front of the cages as they are beginning to slip free from the time spell” Turning his gaze toward Gorthax the Kind-Of-In-Trouble he said “And what of this one?”

 

“Can he hear us?” queried Tearan.

 

“No.”

 

“This is a wizard of whom I made an acquaintance recently who is seeking the power of the realms. I am determined to give him insight as to why this is not a good idea. I do not believe his desire for the gift is well intentioned. In other, planer words, he is a donkey’s rectum and I wish to teach him a lesson.”

 

Raython chuckled at this. “I do enjoy your exploits, Realm Lord. You brought him here because you knew his power would be minimal and he could do no real damage to my realm. Yes?”

 

“Exactly,” Tearan said.

“You took quite the chance, did you not? You are lucky I am in good spirits. I could have been quite cross and banished you for this.”

 

“I understand. I counted on your great wisdom and understanding, especially with the trust we have built.” Tearan bowed his head again and said “I would ask that you do me a favor before I take him away, my lord.”

 

“You’d like me to make a fool of him?”

 

With a grin Tearan said “You know me so well, Lord Raythan.”

 

Gorthax felt himself slide into consciousness once again only to find that he was being held by the throat in the iron like grip of this powerful  being. He began to kick and pull at the hands which held him. 

 

“Stop your childish gyrations, fool, and stand before me like an adult!” shouted Rathan, tossing the wizard on the ground in front of the cages which were now moving in one to two second intervals toward him. “Your evil magic has very little power in my realm wizard. I should strip you of it and keep you locked up with them,” he said, motioning toward the captive children. Oddly, what they once thought were screaming children were now revealed as small, screeching, undead fairies trying to claw their way out of their enchanted confines.

 

The cages moved forward another five seconds and stopped as one edge touched the wizard’s leg. Gorthax the Desperate tried desperately to get out of the way but his feet were locked in place. As much as he tried to shout and scream to be freed, he was still unable to speak. 

 

Tearan Dropped again to one knee and called out far more dramatically than he should have “Oh Lord Raythan! I beseech you to free him from your wrath! He is a foolish and undisciplined oaf of a wizard who makes rash decisions instead of using the tiny bit of goo he calls a brain!”

 

As the cage advances another second in time, pushing painfully against his knee, Gorthax the Mute began to nod his head desperately while pointing in the direction of his realm weaver nemesis as if to say “Yes! What he said! I am an undisciplined idiot! Please let me live!” 

 

This made both the Realm Lord and the Lord of the Realm giddy with joy although their faces did not betray their true feelings.

 

“Realm Lord!” Raythan announced, “I will spare this novice magic maker from his own stupidity but please control him in the future!”

 

“Yes, Lord Raython!” Tearan said as he dropped a card before Gorthax the Relieved and nudged him with his foot against the wizard’s rear, knocking him into the forming portal. As Tearan stepped into the portal himself, He bowed his head in honest respect at Raythan and said “From my heart to yours, thank you, my Lord.”

 

Raythan gave him a similar nod back saying “Until next time Tearan.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anime

 

They both landed in a new realm that simply didn’t look real! It appeared as though everything here, including the two of them, were hand drawn and very colorful.

 

Gorthax thought to himself “I don't know how to comprehend what it is I am seeing, what I am feeling. What kind of place could this possibly be?” But when he tries to give voice to these thoughts it comes out as “YEEASH AAAAGH BU-BU- I DONCANTWHAHH???” 

 

“Relax,” says a completely new, 2 dimensional version of Tearan, the Realm Lord. In fact, the entire world seemed to be two dimensional which, as you can understand, is quite disconcerting to someone who is used to depth. 

 

The wizard looked at the Realm Lord and was shocked by the size of his eyes! They were huge! And his nose was so small. Gorthax could not begin to wrap his head around it. When Tearan turned to look at him, his head never moved! He had clearly been looking off in the distance at the detailed beauty all around when, in a blink, was now facing the wizard. 

 

“What do you think of this place?” Tearan asked. But Gorthax didn't answer because he was too  distracted by the fact that Tearan’s mouth didn’t move in a way that those words could be spoken! Nothing synched up properly, almost as if he had been the victim of a bad voiceover.   

 

The sky was bluer than the wizard had ever seen, especially in his realm where there was only gray twilight. The colors dazzled him. And he hated it.

 

The wizard saw a figure flying overhead and looked up. The creature appeared to be a huge furry pillow with a bald boy sitting atop its back. The pillow was flying. 

 

You heard what I said. Deal with it. 

 

When the wizard saw this strange sight he could have sworn his eyes popped out of head about two inches in front of the sockets they usually occupied. 

 

They were standing amongst the outer edge of a bamboo thicket. Cherry blossoms were in bloom and they could see patches of camellias across the countryside. “It appears as though something is happening in the village!” Tearan said as he pointed toward a billow of smoke off in the distance. 

 

Gorthax the Preoccupied didn’t hear him however as his attention was on a group of incredibly gifted women racing past and gracefully leaping through a hedgerow into a world beyond. “Nevermind the smoke,” he said. “Let’s follow them.”

 

With a sigh Tearan replied “You are in no way ready for that area of this realm.”

 

“You are zero fun, Realm Lord,” the wizard whined. Tearan ignored him.

 

“It's a long walk there so it would be better to travel my way!” the realm weaver said as he took one of.his cards and threw it in front of them. A mass of.white lines swirled all around him like a series of static photos being ripped through by a person with uncontrollable ADHD. 

 

One second the blue portal wasn't there and the next second it was. Traran jumped.through it without hesitation but the wizard stood his ground. 

 

‘I'm not doing this,” he said. “I have had enough of your ridiculousness.” Then, for the second time that day, a hand from nowhere grabbed his tunic and pulled him into a different place. 

 

Suddenly, they were standing in a village awash in chaos. The young boy he had seen flying high above him on a pillow mere moments ago was now battling a group of black and red clad warriors who were shooting balls of fire out of their hands directly toward the bald boy and his two friends, one of which was making water fly about the courtyard while the other was attempting to stop some of the red and black clad gang from kidnapping a young girl. 

 

“Stay here and do not get into any more trouble,” Tearan told his adversary. “We do not need you causing our near deaths as you did in the last realm!”

 

Gorthax the Clearly Offended gave a huff off displeasure, folded his arms, and decided that no matter how much trouble the Realm Lord was in, he would not lift a finger to assist

 

The bald boy and the girl were clearly holding their own against the twelve to fifteen Gang members wielding fire as a weapon. Each time a ball of flame came close to cooking the pair, a wall of water would surround them turning each blast to steam. The bald one was moving rocks and huge clumps of earth in all directions, connecting many to the head and torsos of the  combatants. Tearan could tell that they were tiring and eventually they would fall to the numbers game. 

 

Without notice, a large section of ground began to move under Tearan’s feet. He was being lifted high in the air on a piece of earth that the bald boy was moving. While disconcerting and obviously very dangerous, Tearan was able to see something he would not have had he not had the heightened  vantage point. A group of the fire wielders who  the third friend ran past and not notice seemed to be coming up behind the young man and were readying to use their combined strength to launch a fireball in his direction which would certainly kill him. 

 

Someone dying a fiery death was not something Tearan was willing to witness. It somehow seemed  even worse in this bright and colorful world! Tearan had remembered seeing a character in a comic book in one of the realms use a thrown card as a weapon and decided to give it a shot. It was clearly the only way to save the young man from a fiery fate. Tearan needed full concentration to pull off a portal of this magnitude so he cleared his mind to everything except visualizing this attempt. 

 

The fireball aimed at the boy was massive which Tearan felt was overkill.. So he threw the card with everything he had into the space between the assailants and their prey. He witnessed the immense fireball begin to rocket forth and concentrated on his weave. 

 

The hovering card exploded in a blast of light causing the target to spin around just in time to see his certain demise disappear into the strange portal. Tearan felt the world go dark and began to fall toward the ground. This was very unfortunate as never saw the second explosion of blue electricity open up immediately behind the black and red clad hunters and the ball of fire blast into the group, taking out most. 

 

When he was again conscious,(he had only blacked out for mere seconds) he was suspended in a small pool of water, suspended in the air by the young girl who had been batting next to the bald boy. Behind her, the giant mound of earth that had been Tearan’s foothold smashed into the stragglers scattering them in every direction. He heard the wizard in the distance laughing hysterically and yelling “You almost died again, you idiot!”

 

The boy and his friends were all heading toward the Realm Lord shouting things like “WOW! That was AMAZING!” and “Are you alright? Are you injured?” and “Just who exactly are you?” He felt good that he was able to help them but had to be careful not to say too much. In some worlds. Not everyone needed to know what a realm weaver was, 

 

As he stood up on wobbly feet, his card came zipping back to him and he caught it with ease. Then, he heard the young woman shout “Get down!! Now!!” as she  and the bald boy fired a tsunami of water and earth toward him. He instinctively dropped backward and tossed his card into the air. He had been directly between the warrior friends and the fireball wielding stragglers and while the friends and Tearan had been taking in their victory, the gang members were attempting to get revenge for their defeat.Tearan opened a portal at the meeting point of the two weapons of destruction and they seemingly disappeared into each other. Which would have been great.

 

But when the card fell back into Tearan’s hand, two separate portals opened on either side of the courtyard, one behind the gang members and one in front of the wizard. The blast of heat and destruction shot through the portal on the right, careening into the fire warriors while the combination of water and earth blasted from the portal on the left and hit Garthax the Soon-To-Be-Uncomfortable with a deluge of mud. This caused all three of the friends, along with Tearan himself, to burst into riotous laughter. 

 

Gorthax the Unamused was not amused. Not at all.

 

As they ran toward him calling out various pleasantries, appreciations, and queries, Tearan held up his hands to quiet the onslaught. “Hello friends!” he announced, “You are amazing fighters and obviously close friends. To put your life on the line for another is truly one of the purest and most intense forms of love. I have been privileged to be a part of it if only for a moment. But I and this muddy cluster of filth are on a mission of discovery and we must travel forth.”

 

Turning to the wizard, Tearan said “Now, you festering mound of narcissistic do nothing, we will leave.” He dropped a card at their feet and the familiar blast of blue opened up beneath them leaving a very confused group of friends behind to speculate on what had just happened.

 

 

 

 

 

The Dark Realm

 

This new realm that Tearan and the wizard stepped into was everything that the last one was not. It was dark here and there was a misty fog hovering all around. The wizard looked at Tearan and complained “Well thank you for this,” motioning to his wet, filthy robes. “Do you know how hard it is to clean robes of this quality?”

 

Not even glancing in his direction, Tearan tossed three cards at Gorthax the Gross which began to orbit and spin around him. Picking up speed, the cards began shooting out arcs of electricity which attached themselves to the wizard starting at his head and working their way down to the hem of his robes. Each arc caused a slight shock of pain to the wizard causing him to jump and twitch. When the card settled back into Tearan’s hand, the wizard’s robes were clean.

 

“It doesn’t seem too difficult to me,” quipped Tearan dismissively. “I sent the muck to a bog realm. No one will notice.”

 

“Why do you insist on being such a ‘show off’?” Gorthax the Disgusted asked.

 

“You’re lucky I didn’t send your clothing along with the filth…” Tearan replied.

 

The wizard looked around at a golden glow of gas street lamps along a footpath that gave the park in which they had landed an otherworldly glow, tendrils of fog slithering like snakes all around. His eyes having adjusted to the murky dimness, the light of the full moon cast shadows that crept along the ground, indicating that this was no park but rather an endless cemetery. “Now this is more my style,” Gorthax the Morbid whispered. 

 

 “I know I’ve told you repeatedly, but this is the Death Realm. It is not simply dangerous here, it is lethal. This is no place for jokes. I know you despise me and everything I stand for, but you must listen to me in this place. I have only visited once and it was only for a few moments. But you do not seem to be understanding the seriousness of weaving realms so…”

 

The wizard heard very little of what Tearan had said however as he found himself enchanted by the supernatural thrall of this place. He felt desperation and longing all around him, yet it was peaceful and soothing at the same time. He heard only a slight, soft breeze that sounded almost like music in the distance. He soon realized that it was music he heard. A violin? A cello perhaps? Whatever the source, it was hypnotic and was calling to him. The fog began to curl around, enveloping him in a tranquil sort of longing he had never before felt, pulling him toward the sound.

 

 When Tearan turned to the wizard to ensure he understood his warning, Gorthax was gone. The mist had taken him. “Wizard!” he called out to no response. “Moron!” Then, although it pained him, he yelled “Gorthax the Grandiose!!” But there was still no reply.

 

Gorthax felt the ground pass beneath his feet although his legs did not move. He was weightless and lost in comfort. His eyes felt dreamy and in the distance he saw a lone woman sitting next to a small yet intense fire. She sat on a small bench playing a single violin which made the sound likened to that of a full orchestra. The bench was just outside of an old family tomb with the name Morrigan chiseled into the marble door. Beside her lay a massive dog resting serenely in the fire’s warmth. 

 

The fog which had brought him to her began to dissipate, setting gently on the stone across the fire from her. Every lick of flame glistened like jewels in her obsidian eyes as she peered through her long, dark hair that shaped her face; a curtain dark velvet set against perfect, alabaster skin. If he had not known better, he could have sworn she was nothing more than one of the statues that littered the landscape.

 

She stopped playing her violin, looked in the direction of Gorthax and said “Hello, wizard.”

 

Taken aback, Gorthax asked “How did you know I was a wizard?”

 

“I can smell it in the air all around you,” she replied. “You exude power. I have been awaiting your arrival for so, so long.” At that moment, the dog lifted itself from the ground, sniffed the air, and with a guttural growl, bounded to its feet and sprinted into the night.

 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Tearan had neither seen nor heard anything, save for the fog and shadows. Although there was no music, no indication of where the wizard had gone, he was confident he knew. The last time Tearan had to come to this place, he had been searching for Macha, the Lady of Death. She went by many names however, here in The Darkness. He had come here searching for someone and it had been a mistake to come here when hadn’t understood how the realms worked.

 

He had escaped Macha then with some quick thinking, but deep down he knew that her pursuit of him had been lackluster at best. Tearan had to make sure she, her sisters, and every being like her stayed in their specific realms. If they ever escaped, it would mean terror and death for so many. When even a single being from this realm escaped, the results were horrific. He had learned that the hard way.

 

Now Gorthax the Clueless had wandered off into a darkness; an evil that he couldn’t fathom. In this realm, magic and power were currency and the lives of any stranger who wandered here were worthless. It was a mistake to bring the wizard here. No lesson would be worth it if things went wrong.

 

The mist and the fog blocked any noise from traveling far so it was jarring when Tearan heard the thumping of a great beast's footpads mixed with the sound of its heavy panting, but it was not unexpected. Tearan had heard this before and swore upon his escape he would do anything to never hear it again. But here he was and he began sprinting toward the place that he knew the creature resided. The place where its master lies in wait.

 

Although Tearan was essentially unfamiliar with this realm, he did remember a few things from his previous visit. First, the beast was not aiming to devour him. Not yet anyway. Second, if he could keep out of the beast’s reach, he could stay away from Macha long enough to get him and the wizard out of here alive. And third, he must get to the Tomb Morrigan before Macha drained Gorthax the Endangered’s full power. 

 

He made his way through the mist watching for landmarks, leaping over headstones, and being careful to not disturb dug up graves. You could never be sure what lurked in those. He ran around a corner at top speed, a rather intense stitch tearing at his side. An obelisk that looked familiar caught his eye which kept him from seeing the great beast stopped before him, lifting itself from all fours to standing position.

 

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Gorthax the Beguiled was completely captivated in the thrall of the Mistress of the Dark Realm. His body was tipped back as if lounging on a chaise but there was clearly nothing supporting him. The wizard was relaxed and in a dream-like state. Tendrils of light flowed from him like blood from a vain, floating toward an urn placed on an altar in front of Macha. His features were becoming sunken and strained. 

 

Macha sat unmoving on her bench. She once again appeared to be an intricate, beautiful marble statue. It wasn’t until her beastly companion stepped through the mist carrying the body of the Realm Lord over his shoulder that her head slowly turned to look upon them. The beast lowered Tearan to the ground, placing him at her feet. 

 

“For you, my love,” he said as he sat himself on the ground at her feet. He was as tall in a sitting position as she was standing.

 

She stroked the fur of his neck and kissed him gently on the muzzle. “You have never let me down, my king, Lycaon,” she said. The beast’s only reply was a gentle rub of his snout against her cheek.

 

She turned to the realm weaver and said “You are not dead, nor are you injured. Stand before me.” At this, Tearan rolled to his side and pushed himself to his feet.”

 

“I may not be injured, or even dead, but I was running for quite a while and I'm pretty tired,” he said brushing the dirt from his clothes. Looking at Gorthax he said “You know his power is muted here, right? It would do very little for you. It won’t even last a day.”

 

“I am not draining him for his power,” she said, an evil grin stretching across her porcelain-like features. “I am merely keeping him from assisting you as I drain yours.”

 

In less time than it takes to blink an eye, Macha’s hand was pressed against Tearan’s chest, a red fiery glow beginning to haze between them. Tearan gasped as the breath left his body and an intense pain overtook him.

 

“You barely escaped with your life the first time you came here and I thought you would be smarter than to ever return. But here you are, an even more experienced, more gifted, more powerful realm weaver. The wizard buffoon you brought has become your undoing. He will simply lose any power he ever had and die. But I will drain you of your gift and with it turn every realm I touch into my domain.”

 

Macha was not kidding and she was very capable of doing exactly what she desired. There was no way Tearan could match her strength. If he didn’t come up with a plan quickly, his existence would cease. With every speck of energy he could muster, he opened a small portal, about the size of his fist, between them, white tendrils of light and mist wrapping around her. She began to scream as she was pulled into the portal. Upon seeing this, King Lycaon jumped to intervene. Tearan snapped the portal closed and fell to his knees, the pain slowly dissipating. 

 

The King would have torn him to shreds had he not seen Macha’s severed hand drop to the ground next to Tearan. Instead, he grabbed Tearan’s head in one of his massive hands and lifted him, arm fully extended,  roughly ten feet from the ground. He was careful not to snap the Realm Lord’s neck or crush his skull as he needed him alive. Tearan grabbed the arm of what was now clearly a werewolf and tried to keep himself from enduring any further injuries.

 

Lycaon’s jaws were mere inches from Tearan’s face and he spat “I will rip you to shreds for her injuries. Bring her back now…” 

 

Through gritted teeth Tearan explained “The hand thing was an accident. You made me lose control. But you know it will heal within the hour.”

 

The beast’s grip tightened and Tearan felt like his head would burst apart. Their noses touched and Lycaon repeated “Bring. Her. Back.”

 

“Let. Me. Go,” was the only reply Tearan could give. The beast released him and he crashed to the ground, holding his hands to his head. He looked to Lycaon and shouted “OWW!” By this time Gorthax had come out of his trance and watched with horror at what was transpiring before him. 

 

“I can’t bring her back. You know I can’t,” Tearan sighed, still feeling much of the pain he had experienced.

 

“Then you die,” Lycaon said simply.

 

“WAIT!” Tearan, still on his knees, shouted. “I can’t bring her back, but I can send you to her. You know she will heal and you know she will be able to get back here. It will be simple for her but it will take time. And that’s all I need. Otherwise, kill me and she is lost forever.”

 

Lycaon, without hesitation, said “Send me. But know this this Tearan Jek’Sera, You will suffer for this.”

 

 “Yeah. I know…” Tearan said dejectedly. He raised his hand and the same portal that swallowed Macha took Lycaon as well. Tearan stumbled forward and began to pull cards from his pack.

 

“Where did you send them?” Gorthax stammered, his heart pounding.

 

“I sent them into the urn,” Tearan coughed. 

 

“What? Why would you do that?”

 

“I can’t send them to another realm. It’s far too dangerous. And they don’t know where they are, so that buys us time.” He says this as he puts one card under the urn and one over the top. With a flick of his wrist they both simmer with the familiar blue electrical glow. They don’t know where they are and if they escape, one portal will send them right through the other, back inside the urn.”

 

“You’ve trapped them forever!” Gorthax laughed, clapping his hands enthusiastically.

 

“Are you kidding?” Tearan rolled his eyes at Gorthax the Obtuse as he replied. “She’ll figure it out and be out of there within days. If that long even. We need to get out of here now.”

 

Tearan threw another card and the realm portal opened. This time, no tricks were needed to make the wizard step through. They stepped into a mundane world of brick buildings, cars, roads, a blue sky above and a sun heating everything to an uncomfortable degree.

 

“Now where have you dragged me?” Gorthax the Simp asked.

 

A beat up and exhausted Tearan said “This is one of my favorite realms. This is the one where everyone just tries to exist together in peace. It is a realm where they truly believe in Enchantment. We’re done. I’m not taking you anywhere else but back to your realm.”

 

“What was the point of any of this?” Gorthax the Grumpus queried. 

 

“You really don't get it!” Tearan shot back. “There were lessons to be learned in each realm you found yourself in today. Did you learn nothing?”

 

“From an interdimensional field trip with an idiot.for a guide? Of course not! Do you really think you have any knowledge that I do not already possess? “

 

Traran was finally frustrated enough to tear into Gorthax the Narcissistic. “You almost got a laser blast through your skull! Lesson One, be prepared for anything. Then you were trespassing in another wizard's realm, which almost got you crushed. Lesson Two, looks.can be deceiving.  Then, you end up in a realm where you cannot even comprehend the physics around you causing me to end up nearly falling to my death. Lesson Three, keep yourself grounded. And finally, you end up in a realm that you think suits you well only to be seduced into the arms of someone who wanted to ABSORB YOU! Final lesson, there is danger and death at every turn. And through it all, you learned nothing…”

 

“Your point?” the wizard replied condescendingly. 

 

“My point is that if you had the power of the realms, not only would you abuse it but you would destroy the lives of individuals across multiple worlds!”

 

The wizard took a deep breath and said simply “I will have that power, I will cleanse the realms of your influence and you will be unable to stop me.”

 

“You're not going to stop are you?” Tearan asked.

 

“No,” said the wizard. 

 

“You want to do war over this, don't you?”

 

“Yes,” said the wizard. 

 

“Fine! Tonight at sundown we will meet at the Nerd Cafe do war!” Tearan exclaimed to the delight of the wizard and the astonishment of everyone around them.

 

 

 

 

 

Nerd Tavern

 

That evening, a large crowd is gathered at the Nerd Cafe to witness the war between the Realm Lord and the wizard. After hearing stories of their exploits during the day, all the attendees looked forward to whatever fireworks were soon to be on display! 

 

Tearan sat at a table with his feet up, skillfully manipulating a deck of his odd-looking cards. The cafe was quiet considering the number of people who had come from Enchantment to see how the wizard would react to being made to appear foolish. Honestly though, he had looked like an idiot for most of the day so that made everything even more interesting! 

 

There was a loud rumble as if the clouds had opened up to allow something evil to enter into our atmosphere and then slammed back together to produce a thunder clap akin to that of the mighty Thor! Or like a giant truck that is all jacked up with lifts and you need to get a ladder just to get in it while the engine explodes second by second, the exhaust blasts out billows of smoke while a woofer releases a barrage of  heart-shaking bass from music that doesn’t sound like it should be coming from a massive pickup truck in the first place.

 

So… it was, y’know… loud.

 

A hush fell over the crowd, mostly because they couldn’t hear each other over the noise anyway, as the doors of the cafe burst open to reveal Gorthax the Grandiose marching toward the Realm Lord with great purpose. Behind him, a throng of acolytes (or minions or slaves or whatever) followed him, adorned in armor, weapons at the ready. Tearan laughed to himself because he thought it looked like an army of scared, homeless children who were playing dress-up so they could have ice cream treats later. 

 

Tearan, not bothering to rise or even remove his feet from the table said in a loud commanding voice “Welcome, Gorthax the Grand, to the Nerd Cafe!”

 

“It not ‘the grand’” Gorthax replied, “It’s ‘the Grand-iose!’” 

 

Without a pause Tearan announced "Welcome, Gorthax the Great, to the N…”

 

“NO!” Garthax the Somewhat Perturbed shouted, trying to control his anger. “It’s ‘Grandiose.’”

 

“Really?” Tearan said, his face awash in fake  confusion.

 

“Yes,”: replied the wizard.

 

“How about Gorthax the Gifted?”

 

“No,” the wizard said.

 

“Gorthax the Godly?”

 

“Good, but still, no.”

 

“Gorthax the Resplendent!” Tearan called out.

 

“That doesn’t even start with a ‘G’’” the wizard replied.

 

“Gorthax the Bumptious!”

 

“Ok- I don’t even know what bumptious means…”

 

“Gorthax the Majestic and Magnificent?!”

 

“Enough!!” the grandiose wizard shouted.

 

“But that’s two adjectives instead of one! That’s so much better than ‘grandiose.” Tearan whined.

 

Gorthax the Annoyed spread his arms wide and announced “I did not come here to verbally spar with you, Realm Lord. I came here for a war. I came here for a power that should rightfully already be mine! I came here to be the Magnificent Lord of the Realms!!”

 

“I thought it was ‘Grandiose’,” Tearan said in a very unimpressed way.

 

“What?” the wizard asked.

 

“You know,” Tearan said, waving his arms around. “We just did that whole thing with the name. You were pretty set on Grandiose and now you just want to change it? I mean, pick a lane and stay in it for a while.”

 

Gorthax dropped his head, chin resting on his chest. “Please stop. You’re being so annoying.”

 

“Everyone is gonna start calling you ‘Gorthax the Ambiguous’ if you keep changing it.”

 

“Where is your army, idiot?” Gorthax the Exasperated asked.

 

“Why would I need an army?” Tearan asked.

 

“We are going to war. That was the plan. We discussed this.” Gorthax turned and asked his minions (or slaves or acolytes or whatever) “Isn’t that what we were talking about earlier?” They all murmur in agreement.

 

Tearan (finally) removed his feet from the table, stood, and stretched. “Oooohhh! I see what happened here. So sorry. Totally my fault.”

 

“I… I don’t underst… what?” the wizard spouted.

 

“Yeah. You thought I meant we were ‘going to war’,” Tearan laughed. “What I meant to say is that we are going to play a game of war.”

 

“But that game is so boring,” Gorthax the Disappointed whined back.

 

“Oh stop,” Tearan admonished. “I am the Realm Lord and I make the rules. You want to be a true Realm Weaver, you defeat me to obtain these magical cards." As he spoke the words, he moved his arm in a large circular motion in front of him and the cards left his hand and remained suspended in the same circular pattern before him. “Shall we begin?”

 

The two of them sat across from each other and Tearan handed the deck to Gorthax the Nimble Fingered to be shuffled. The wizard seemed surprised as he took the deck and shuffled. “You trust me to shuffle the cards? A bit naive.”

 

“I don't want any whining at the end. This will be fair.”

 

The Wizard, grinned menacingly, dealt the cards, back and forth, until the full deck was dispersed, each of them having half. “We flip at the same time.”

 

“Ready… Flip!” Tearan commanded and they each lay down… 2s. “Ah! So we have an immediate war!”

 

They both drew 3 cards and laid them face down next to the 2s. “Flip!” Tearan commanded once again, and they both laid down 4s. 

 

“What is this?” stammered Gorthax the Suspicious. “I thought you said this would be fair!”

 

“You shuffled. You dealt. How could this be my doing?”

 

The wizard drew three cards from his deck and placed them on the table and stared at the Realm Lord while he did the same. Then, “Flip”.

 

Two 6s are laid down and a growl issued forth from deep.inside the wizard. “Again” he said to the Realm Lord.

 

Without a word, they both drew three, laid them on the table, and flipped. Two 8s. Gorthax the Pissed snarled and yelled “How are you doing this??!!”

 

“You shuffled. You dealt,” is all Tearan said back.

 

Gorthax the Furious pulled another three cards from his half of the deck and slammed them down on the table. Tearan drew three and set them gently on his side of the table. He looked at the wizard and said “Flip.” They did.

 

Two Queens. 

 

“I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND WEAR YOU AS A COAT!!” 

 

Looking quite taken aback, Tearan said “Ok. First: Ewe… That's disgusting. Second: You shuffled. You dealt.”

 

Gorthax the Overreactor took three of his final five cards and slammed them onto the table with such force that they left a card-sized mark in the wood. Tearan takes his three cards and drops them in a perfect little pile on top of the rest. 

 

They both took the next card and flipped them down. Two Aces.

 

Tearan could see smoke beginning to rise from inside the cloak of Gorthax the Unreasonable. His anger was palpable and everyone in the cafe was getting very nervous. As they should. “HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CHEAT ME AS YOUR UNCLE DID??!!” he yells.

 

Tearan continued to calmly sit and stare at Gorthax the Quite Perturbed. There was no emotional reaction from the Realm Weaver at all. He simply looked at the raging wizard before him and stated “We both have one more card to play.”

 

“IT’S AN ACE, YOU JUVENILE DELINQUENT!” and Gorthax the Over-It threw his card onto the table where it landed face up. It was, in fact, an ace. ‘“See!! As I said it would be! Now drop your ace so I can end this MY way!”

 

Tearan, never breaking eye contact with the irate wizard calmly set his card on the table next to the wizard’s ace. And, of course, it is… a two? A two of hearts in fact. Gorthax stares, mouth agape, unbelieving and a stunned hush that fell over the gathered onlookers. Gorthax had done it. The wizard then declared “I beat this arrogant, con artist of a Realm Lord and now the power of every realm resides with me!”

 

“These cards are yours, sir,” Tearan says in a way that does not match the gravity of the situation. “You may gather up the entire deck and take it with you.”

 

“Herman!” Gorthax the Triumphant shouts. And without any instruction whatsoever, the minion (or slave or acolyte or whatever) runs to the table, gathers up the cards, makes sure they are all sorted properly, turns and bows before the wizard, and hands him the long-sought-after prize.

 

Gorthax the Grandiose turns to the crowd and proclaims “For my first act as the Realm Lord I will return all of you Filthy vagrants back to the realms from which you came!” And with that, he holds the deck in one hand and moves his other above while speaking a magical incantation. A soft red glow begins to emanate from between his hands as he says “Isti Vundus Siri Ubundis!” and throws the cards high into the air.

 

And they all just dropped to the ground in front of him.

 

Gorthax the Duped can only stare in disbelief and say “‘Isti Vundus Siri Ubnundis’ literally means ‘Go back from whence you came’. You!” he yells again, shifting his eyes toward the completely at peace Realm Lord.

 

“Now just hold on. Before you start shouting and complaining there are two things you need to know…”

 

“What do I need to know?” the wizard hissed.

 

“Well, first of all, they didn’t go to ‘whence they came’ because they’re all from this Realm. They are already home.” Tearan explains as Gorthax seethes. “And second… You don’t have the power of the Realms.”

 

“As I thought! You cheated me!”

 

“Now hold on,” Tearan says, rising from his chair for the first time since the wizard arrived. “I have not lied, cheated, or deceived you in any way. If you had actually listened to what I said you would see that. What I actually, specifically said was two separate statements (which was true as there was a well-placed comma between them). The first was ‘You want to be a true Realm Weaver. Is that not true?”

 

“Well, yes! Of course it is. But it was inferred that…”

 

“No. Stop it. The second statement was ‘You defeat me to obtain these magical cards.’ Yes?”

 

The wizard stammered out “Well… yes… but”

 

“No! No buts! You won the game, I gave you the cards! Yes?”

 

“Yes.” the wizard replied dejectedly. 

 

“Did you really think I'd take a wizard bent on division and fear on a little jaunt through the realms if there was any danger of him actually taking this power?” Tearan replied, and for the first time the emotion began to rise within him. “The reason you aren't able to open a portal to another realm is because you are not a realm weaver. My uncle didn't steal this power and give it to me on a whim! I was born a realm weaver and there is nothing you can do to change that. I only use those cards because it looks cool.”

 

“You think this is over? You think I'm just going to let you keep bringing people from the realms together however you want?” Gorthax asked.

 

Cutting him off, Tearan simply said “Yes”. With a wave of his hand like he was shooing away a fly, the cards began to swirl as if caught in a cyclone and engulf the wizard and his army. 

 

In an epic flash of blue electricity, they are gone. There is silence all around for a moment. No one moves. Most barely breathe. And then, like they had been queued, the entire place erupted in cheers, shouts of joy, and laughter of disbelief. 

 

It had been quite a day in the land of Enchantment. Unbelievable things had happened today but the party was just getting started. And what a party it was going to be incredible.

 

​

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 Epilogue

 

Somewhere, in a very dark place, a card placed carefully on the lid of an urn began to .